Everything; it's not how you want it to be.

You're beginning to realise that the people that you want to love you, never really will and the love you're getting from all those other people will never be enough because it's not what you truly want, well that's what you think anyway. Those situational fantasies bring only momentary contentment, but it's the best you'll ever get. You feel distanced, that they only love each other while you just sit, patiently in the background. They make all these plans and it's just natural to leave you out, you're the different one and they can't handle you. The same, monotonous routine doesn't help either, same place, same ending, with just a few different faces. You can't keep holding this together, you can't keep pretending that all of this, with you caught up in the middle, is all alright.

S.